and the Oscar for best half marathon goes to…
Me. Because I ran 13.3 miles today.
Thank you, Milton Keynes Half Marathon, for telling me that you didn’t want any fat lazy back markers taking up time and road space. I got up today, ate a sample bowl of Kellogg’s Start (the cereal designed to make porridge seem like a pleasant option) downloaded some songs onto my ever-growing and imaginatively-titled ‘running songs’ playlist and hit the road. I decided that I’d run my own half marathon.
After the first 3.7 miles of my figure 8 loop, I stopped in at home to go to the loo. Oh, it was hard going back out again. I seriously thought about just giving up and having a bacon sandwich instead. But I ploughed on, and on, and on. The roads look like this:
and whilst I shouldn’t complain because it was a gorgeous, cold, crispy, sunshiny day, they really don’t vary. Trees, bare hedgerows, road. Road, hedgerows, trees.
I reached 7 miles and sat on a wall. I sent a message to Twitter and drank some Lucozade and had an energy gel. I realised I needed the loo again. I may have availed of a handy hedge. I was actually having quite a nice time, despite being the slowest runwalker in the history of the world. Then this happened:
It’s a song that reminds me of the time just after Dad died and it gets me every time. I sat on the ground and cried. Huge, howling, messy crying. Luckily I was on a road to nowhere so nobody saw me sitting there, and once it was over I could feel my Dad telling me to pull myself together. Stiff upper lip, old girl.
Nobody had stolen my secret stash of Lucozade, so I refilled my lovely new carrying bottle at each rescue stop.
It was really up-and-down, the run. Sometimes I was running and my feet were just boinging along and I didn’t even have to think about it, even on hills. Other times I looked at my Garmin and realised I was running slower than I can walk. I felt a bit sick at one point, which I think was my body trying a new ‘please stop this nonsense’ strategy. I had the usual chorus of grumbles from the body parts who don’t like running, but the amazing ankle support and new socks (actual running socks! who knew?) meant that my feet were floating along. Even when I was walking, and there was a LOT of walking, I was doing it at over 4mph so I can tell I’m getting fitter and better at covering longer distances.
The last mile was amazing – I felt sick, I was exhausted, but I had a sudden burst of energy and was doing much faster jogging with a huge smile on my face.
I walked in to ‘mummycanIhavesomecrisps’ and ‘canweplayoutside’ and ‘wheresmybubblemixture’. Such is the life of a marathonmummy. I escaped upstairs and did my final Paula Radcliffe impression of the day.
Yes, that’s a ice bath. Eddie Izzard swore in his programme the other day that they were the secret to surviving the long runs. He’s made of strong stuff, that man. I got in the bath full of cold water, speaking to Zoe on the phone for a bit of moral support, then poured in the whole bag of ice. There are no words to describe what that felt like, but I’ve given birth four times without pain relief, and I was using every single technique to get me through the first minute of that bath. After that it actually felt quite nice, although nothing compared to the heavenly hot bath with a magazine and delicious bath oil from Maia Skincare. I feel human again now.
At the risk of having a Gwyneth Paltrow moment, I want to say that training for a marathon is incredibly time consuming. There’s an advert which says ‘because we know 26.2 is the easy part’ and it’s so true. I spend so much time blogging, fundraising, running and thinking about running. Meanwhile we still have a house, four children, and a whole menagerie of animals to look after. My lovely husband is doing more than his fair share at the moment, and he deserves a medal. Thank you, K. xxx
PS – results are now in for the Milton Keynes Half Marathon and I’m comforted to see that if I’d entered there would have been 80 people slower than me!
Great job! Just so you know, you can’t possibly be the world’s slowest run/walker because I have that title all sewn up. Besides, you are in much better shape than me because I couldn’t possibly go that far. Good for you!
Thanks Heather
Really loved reading your witty post. Could relate to everything you wrote about. Keep going with all the training, you’re doing a wonderful job!
Thank you Joanna! Keep resting that leg and I’ll see you in 7 weeks!
OH Rachael. I am sooooooo proud, so proud I sometimes think you are my daughter – except you aren’t 5 years old and lippy. Well well well well done, marathon training is a lonely business and you are such a marvellous example. xxxxx
Oooh, thank you my lovely chum! Must call you tomorrow re: turning up on your doorstep net month! xxxxx
Congratulations! Who needs the Milton Keynes Half Marathon, anyway?
Yeah. Ptttthpppt to them! The Rachael Moore half marathon was much more fun!
Way to go! You badass! 13.3 AND an ice bath. You should wear a princess crown all day.
If it wasn’t nearly bedtime I’d do that. But instead I’m in my dressing gown waiting to have sausages and mash. I figure after burning 1880 calories I can have as much mashed potato as I like. Yummy.
awesome job! you are so hardcore: i’ve never done an ice bath!! i’m so excited that you were able to push through your own half
I know! I feel so happy with myself! So much of this marathon thing is mental rather than physical. I really learned what they mean by digging deep today, and I realised I’ll make it round London, even if it takes all day!
What you are doing is simply amazing hunni! You should be so exceptionally proud of yourself which I really hope you are, your an inspiration sweetie!
xxx
Ooh thank you Hayley! I am very proud of my megaslow runwalking!
well done you! x
Thank you Tess! Looking forward to cheering you on at Silverstone! xx
Congrats! You are amazing!
ps. I am pretty sure I am the slowest runner in the world. But isn’t that the awesome thing about running? You can suck and still do it
You’re so right! That’s such a great way of looking at it.
here’s a new fundraising idea – a treasure hunt for your lucozade stashes. I’m up for it! (I’m having a lie down at the thought of running 13.3 miles)
I’m having a lie down too!
I was thinking about you this weekend, so pleased for you- this is a massive achievement. Love that song too…
xxx
Thank you P. And you can remember when that 3.75 mile run took me an hour! xxx
Just found your blog, nice to see another UK blogger! Great run, I’m training for a half at the moment but getting my milage up is taking so long. I watchd the Eddie Izzard programme too, was really good, I have no idea how he did it without his legs falling off! What animals do you have? Look forward to reading more about your training!
Hi Laura, thanks for visiting the blog!
My legs are feeling a bit falling-offy today, but I’m hoping they’ll be full of bounce by Wednesday morning, all ready for an interval session on the treadmill.
We have a Golden Retriever, two Bengal cross cats, three chickens and a Biorb full of fish (but I don’t do fish, so I always forget about them!).
Wow *in proper awe* well done you! x
Thanks Gigi! xxx
Ha Ha ha burst out laughing when saw picture of G and startled Tom into another lengthy coughing fit!
13.5miles blimey that’s a long way and you did it all by yourself, well done… Re wee, are you marking your territory?
As always verily proud of you x
Yes, I think I am. Might start weeing outside the front door, too! Pleased to report that Lavender is in bed with her new friends, btw! xxx
What an amazing post and an amazing thing to do! You have made me feel both sad, happy, tearful and very lazy all at the same time!
I like to cover all bases in my blog posts! Hahaha! But thank you – I think I felt all those things on my run, too!
Well done, if you can do 13.3 by yourself now just think what you’ll be able to do with thousands cheering you on
Oh what a lovely thing to say James! I hadn’t thought of it like that. Thank you!
Goodness me, you're doing well! I couldn't run 13.3 metres. Shame on me.
Love your speech! Way to go on the run! Keep up the good work! It's a wonderful thing….